Just as the door opens, I look intently at the screen and act like I’m still chatting with her mother. ‘–And she stuck her finger in my ass when she was blowing me, which was fucking incredible. I never thought I’d enjoy having anything up there, but–‘Grace screams in horror.
See?” I’d whispered to Bones, nudging him with a grin. “He never argues with her. Isn’t that sweet?”A snort preceded his response. “Keep dreaming, pet.
I’m a big believer in putting things off, In fact, I even put off procrastinating.-Ella Varner
Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers.
Have you ever had a girlfriend, Kenji?What? He looks mortally offended. Do I look like the kind of guy who’s never had a girlfriend? Have you even met me?
Why hasn’t anyone killed him yet?”“Dumb luck,” Wit said. “In that I’m lucky you’re all so dumb.
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
Every time I annoy him he retreats into his No Mundanes Allowed tree house. Simon pointed at Jace.
You climbed into my window in the middle of the night. So, either you’re some kind of Vampire or some kind of Perv. Which is it?
I spent most of my youth hauling sides of beef and pork to my father’s shop. Carrying you is far more enjoyable.How sweet, Annabelle mumbled sickly, her eyes closed. Every woman dreams of being told that she’s preferable to a dead cow.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
The door opened.We’re here, said Mrs. Rogers.Aunt Myra came in.Now! said Amelia Bedelia.Greetings, greetings, greetings,said the three children.What’s that about? said Mrs. Rogers.You said to greet Aunt Myra with Carols, said Amelia Bedelia.Here’s Carol Lee, Carol Green, and Carol Lake.What lovely Carols, said Aunt Myra.Thank you.
I’m calm, Rachel insisted. Every time I’m around you, some monsters attack us. What’s to be nervous about?Look, I said. I’m sorry about the band room. I hope they didn’t kick you our or anything.Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.Was it hard? Annabeth asked.
Above all, if what you’ve done is stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid.
As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney.
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell
My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don’t.
When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.
If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?
Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient’s friends.
It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.
Knock-knock-knockNo, that’s not creepy at all. Being in a spaceship twelve light-years from home and having someone knock on the door is totally normal.
I don’t mind if you don’t like my manners. They’re pretty bad. I grieve over them during the long winter evenings.
Can you feel it? Something just changed. I believe that’s the sound the world makes when it pisses itself.
What do you read, Westbay? Romance novels?” She said it like reading romance was on par with chronic farting.
Wayne’s a little attached to that hat, Waxillium said. He thinks it’s lucky.Wayne: It is lucky. I ain’t never died while wearing that hat. Marasi frowned. I … I’m not sure I know how to respond.Wax: That’s a common reaction to Wayne.
Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?
Her name is Brienne, Jaime said. Brienne, the maid of Tarth. You are still maiden, I hope?Her broad homely face turned red. Yes.Oh, good, Jaime said. I only rescue maidens.
You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The lastpresent you gave me was a stick.”“You wanted a weapon.”“It was a stick.”“It had a bow on it.”“It was a stick.”“I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.
Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.
I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I’m under the table,after four I’m under my host.
Ill habits gather unseen degrees, as brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas.
Oh, I can’t help quoting you, because everything that you said rings true.
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don’t just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
His arms went round my waist. He had a big grin, full of teeth like stars. You saying you’re the jealous sort,Scar? I’m saying that some girls slap, but I have knives.
And so the dentist says ‘Rinse.’ So you lean over, and you’re lookin’ at this miniature toilet bowl.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
I’d been willing to kill for the people I loved for a very long time; now I had to start living for them.
He’s around the twist,’ said Azalea. ‘Breaking all the windows? He’s mad.”Ah, no,’ said the King. ‘It’s only madness if you actually do it. If you want to break all the windows in the house and drown yourself in a bucket but don’t actually do it, well, that’s love.
Peter to Austin:Hard-ons don’t make you think less. They make you think stupid. Which makes me think you must have one 24/7.
Look. Survey. Inspect. My hair is ruined! I look like a pan of bacon and eggs!
It’s not like there’s a law against flying.Yes there is. The law of gravity.
The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.
Katniss: ‘What about you? Ive seen you in the market. You can lift hundred pound bags of flour’. I snap at himTell him that. Thats not nothing.Peeta: Yes and Im sure the arena will be full of bags of flour for me to chuck at people.
Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my ‘furry little problem’ in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit.
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