I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Caliph Vathek and his dark hordeAre bound for Hell, you won’t be bored!Your faith in me will be restored—Unless this token you find untowardAnd my poor gift you have ignored.
Find something useful to do with your morning,’ she thought to him as she neared her chambers. ‘Do something heroic in front of an audience. Knock a child into a river while no one’s looking and then rescue him.
Well? Is it true? Did she?Did she what?You know. Fall outta the crazy tree and hit every branch on the way down?
Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
She craved a tall glass of the fresh-squeezed lemonade from the pitcher she’d left chilling in the fridge. Two glasses served with a generous slice of pound cake with orange glaze icing sounded twice as nice.
The door banged open, and Eve rushed out, flushed and mussed and still buttoning her shirt. ‘It’s not what you think,’ she said. ‘It was just—oh, okay, whatever, it was exactly what you think. Now, what?
Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn’t the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.
Blood is really warm,it’s like drinking hot chocolatebut with more screaming.
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
You’re an investigator – can’t nobody find stuff out like a woman. Y’all put the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks they show on CSI and Law & Order: SVU look like counting lessons on Sesame Street.
Well sure, who doesn’t need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one.
This is the best night of my life, Raffy says, crying.Raffy, half our House has burnt down, I say wearily. We don’t have a kitchen.Why do you always have to be so pessimistic? she asks. We can double up in our rooms and have a barbecue every night like the Cadets.Silently I vow to keep Raffy around for the rest of my life.
I don’t know how you persist in being so stubborn-It’s a superpower. I was bitten by a radioactive mule.
I’m going to make it a law that the correct way to address your sovereign is my giving a high five.’ Kai’s smiled brightened. ‘That’s genius. Me too.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
But Gideon was experiencing one powerful emotion: being sick of everyone’s shit.
I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to
St. Clair clears his throat. ‘My fiancée and I are headed out for a celebratory dessert. I’d ask you all to join us, but I don’t want you there.
Still it might be nice, once in a while, not to have to choose between evils. Just once, couldn’t I choose the lesser good?
Amelia Bedelia, said Mrs. Rogers,Christmas is just around the corner.It is? said Amelia Bedelia. Which corner?Mrs. Rogers lauhged and said,I mean tomorrow is Christmas Day.I know that, said Amelia Bedelia.
Because teachers, no matter how kind, no matter how friendly, are sadistic and evil to the core.
Don’t panic. Are you sitting? You probably don’t need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something.
I may not look like much, but I’m an expert at pretending to be a ninja.
Caring about someone isn’t complicated. It isn’t easy. But it isn’t complicated, either. Kinda like lifting the engine block out of a car.
Nothing’s a better cure for writer’s block than to eat ice cream right out of the carton.
He had a bleeding cut on his leg and he smelled like shit.Her nose wrinkled. Step in something? she asked innocently.That I did not mind. He took a menacing step toward her. What I did mind was being hit by a cab, then landing on the lap of a naked man. With an erection, Anya. He had an erection.
Life doesn’t make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy’s job is to point out that it doesn’t make sense, and that it doesn’t make much difference anyway.
Popularity’s a weird thing. You can’t really define it, and it’s not cool to talk about, but you know it when you see it. Like a lazy eye, or porn.
There’s no trouble in this world so serious that it can’t be cured with a hot bath, a glass of whiskey, and the Book of Common Prayer.
Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.
The thing I hate the most about advertising is that it attracts all the bright, creative and ambitious young people, leaving us mainly with the slow and self-obsessed to become our artists.. Modern art is a disaster area. Never in the field of human history has so much been used by so many to say so little.
Now Darkstripe,’ Graypaw hissed to Firepaw under his breath, ‘is neither young, nor pretty.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for—in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!
If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
You’re a very difficult person to manipulate, you know.Nonsense, he said. You just have to promise me that I won’t have to do a thing, and then I’ll do anything you want.Anything?Anything that doesn’t require doing anything.That’s nothing, then.Is it?Yes.Well, that’s something.
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.
[In the Universe it may be that] Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare. Some would say it has yet to occur on Earth.
If after reading this book you come to my home and brutally murder me, I do not blame you.
Hey, our hair’s the same color, I said, eying us side by side in the mirror.Sure is, girlfriend. Eric grinned at me.
If you didn’t grow up like I did then you don’t know, and if you don’t know it’s probably better you don’t judge.
We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call ‘misdirected rage’. I believe the technical term is being an ass.
Your stepfather? I’d like to meet him.Oh no… why?I’m not sure that’s a good idea.Christian unlocks the door, his mouth in a grim line.Are you ashamed of me?No! It’s my turn to sound exasperated. Introduce you to my dad as what? ‘This is the man who deflowered me and wants to start a BDSM relationship’. You’re not wearing running shoes.
Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.No hope, no harm; just another false alarm
I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.
I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t remember what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.
The train is roaring toward you and the villain is twirling his moustache and you’re fussing that he’s tied you to the tracks with the wrong kind of rope.
Are you a female dog?What? Massie asked. Why?Because you are acting like a real bitch!
Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, Why me?, then a voice answers Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.