Now this might disturb you, but I find I’m OK by myself;and I don’t need you or your benevolence to make sense.
The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
You know on TV when there’s one of those awkward, shocking moments and all you hear are the crickets in the background?Well chirp fucking chirp…this is one of those moments.
You don’t need a search warrant to go through someone’s trash. Seriously. Once it hits the curb it is totally fair game-you an look it up.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.
I’m not holding you against your will; I’m holding you against your car.
Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
We’re not retreating, we’re advancing in reverse.’ –Skulduggery Pleasant
Laurel, David? Would you like to share the joke with the rest of the class? he asked, one hand on his skinny hip.No, sir, David said. But thank you for asking. The students around them laughed, but Mr. james didn’t look pleased. Laurel leaned back and grinned. David, one. Teacher who wishes he was as smart as David? Zero
You thought I was a werewolf? Dervish asks.Yes I answer hollowly.You ass.
Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs.She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppies was going to take some getting used to, she thought.On impulse, she brought up her hands, turned her fingers into claws. Hissed.Cool.
He was painfully shy, which, as is often the manner of the painfully shy, he overcompensated for by being too loud at the wrong times.
Disagreements over money are the biggest cause of divorce.She waved her hand. Absolutely no problem. Your money is our money. My money is my money. She wrote away.I should make you negotiate with Phoebe.
Well, even if the serpent bites off your head,” says Tatterfell, “the rest of you will still look good.”“That’s the spirit,” I tell her.
How can a person deal with anxiety? You might try what one fellow did. He worried so much that he decided to hire someone to do his worrying for him. He found a man who agreed to be his hired worrier for a salary of $200,000 per year. After the man accepted the job, his first question to his boss was, Where are you going to get $200,000 per year? To which the man responded, That’s your worry.
We had our breakfasts–whatever happens in a house, robbery or murder, it doesn’t matter, you must have your breakfast.
I’m not senile, I snapped. If I burn the house down it will be on purpose.
Poirot, I said. I have been thinking.An admirable exercise my friend. Continue it.
If somebody says ‘I love you’ to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can anybody reply under such conditions but that which the pistol holder requires? ‘I love you, too’.
The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.
She’s under duress, Peaseblossom said.I don’t care if she’s under duress, over it, or alongside it, Moth said. Nothing in this world supersedes cake.
You’re such a cynic, Molly said.I think cynics are playful and cute.
We are not permitted to choose the frame of our destiny. But what we put into it is ours.
Riza: Without his Alchemy he’s just…Jean: A little brat who swears a lotMaes: An arrogant pipsqueakRoy: Useless. Just uselessAlphonse: Sorry big brother, I don’t know how to add to that…Ed *starts to cry*: YOU’RE ALL PICKING ON ME!!!
You know, I never believed in fate until I met you… then I started thinking coincidence didn’t have near so cruel a sense of humor
If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted, I beg his pardon.
Stop a minute and listen. I know I’m asking the impossible from you, but for once in your life, shut your mouth and open your ears. I’m not the one talking. Kyrian snarled at him. Don’t get smart with me. You want me stupid? Nick….
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
To me you are a work of art, and I would give you my heart – that’s if I had one.
Let him treat you like a lady and open the car door for you. If he doesn’t automatically open the door for you, stand by the darn thing and don’t get into the vehicle until he realises he needs to get hid behind out of the driver’s seat and come round and open the car door for you. That’s his job!
Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.
I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.
It has often been saidthere’s so much to be read,you never can cramall those words in your head.So the writer who breedsmore words than he needsis making a chorefor the reader who reads.That’s why my belief isthe briefer the brief is,the greater the sighof the reader’s relief is.And that’s why your bookshave such power and strength.You publish with shorth!(Shorth is better than length.)
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so?There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
Garrick was panting when he replied, “You’re not forcing me to do anything. I just want you to be sure. You can say stop at anytime.” His lips pulled wide. “You don’t need to make up a new pet.
Stupidity is much the same all the world over. A stupid person’s notions and feelings may confidently be inferred from those which prevail in the circle by which the person is surrounded. Not so with those whose opinions and feelings are an emanation from their own nature and faculties.
The farther reason looks the greater is the haze in which it loses itself.
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
Take some more tea, the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.I’ve had nothing yet, Alice replied in an offended tone, so I can’t take more.You mean you can’t take less, said the Hatter: it’s very easy to take more than nothing.Nobody asked your opinion, said Alice.
My Head of House said I lacked certain necessary qualities…like the ability to behave myself.
Man, you weigh a freaking ton, he told me. What’ve you been eating, rocks? Why, is your head missing some? I croaked. His mouth almost quirked in a smile, and that’s when I knew how upset he’d been
Husbands are chiefly good as lovers when they are betraying their wives.
Did he just rip out the engine? I asked.Yes, Saiman said. And now he is demolishing the Maserati with it.Ten seconds later Curran hurled the twisted wreck of black and orange that used to be the Maserati into the wall.The first melodic notes of an old song came from the computer. I glanced at Saiman.He shrugged. It begged for a soundtrack.
I’m the warlock who’s here to cure you. Didn’t they tell you I was coming?I know who you are, but… Maia looked dazed. You look so…so…shiny.
Rabbit’s clever, said Pooh thoughtfully.Yes, said Piglet, Rabbit’s clever.And he has Brain.Yes, said Piglet, Rabbit has Brain.There was a long silence.I suppose, said Pooh, that that’s why he never understands anything.
I feel an almost overwhelming interest in the methods of daylight abduction employed by the modern youth.
I watched a lot of YouTube videos of cute geeky girls playing ’80s cover tunes on ukuleles. Technically, this wasn’t part of my research, but I had a serious cute-geeky-girls-playing-ukuleles fetish that I can neither explain nor defend.
Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.
Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It’s the crack cocaine of the literary world.
Did I hurt your feelings again? Sorry. When this is all over I’ll send some flowers to your inner child.
Haven’t you ever heard of the saying, If you want to shoot the general, first shoot the horse!?’ –LinIf you wanna shoot the general, then you should just SHOOT THE GENERAL!’ –Ed
I’m very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences.