You wanted to lick my face the first time you saw me? Is that usually what you do when you’re attracted to guys?” I shake my head. “Not your face, your dimple. And no. You’re the only guy I’ve ever had the urge to lick.” He smiles at me confidently. “Good. Because you’re the only girl I’ve ever had the urge to love.
One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.
You’re not a woman, he said finally. You’re the Grim Reaper with red hair!
My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.
Oh, we’re playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?
There are any number of magical creatures, mostly female, whose singing can bring about horror and death. Sirens, undines, banshees, Bananarama tribute bands…
I died. I died and someone made a clerical error and I am in Heaven.
Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants so long as it is black.
Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.
It was the hat. He looked sweet in the hat. How could a man in a fuzzy blue hat have used human bones to pave his roads?
They say that ‘Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.’ Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don’t think you’d kill too many people.
The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven’t met that guy yet. When you meet him, let’s get him in to the Smithsonian – he’s that special and rare.
The road to creativity passes so close to the madhouse and often detours or ends there.
You know how it is when you’re reading a book and falling asleep, you’re reading, reading… and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I’m like that all the time.
Statement: A girl and a boy jump into a river. The boy swims over to the girl and says, God, it’s cold.Question: What’s the probability they will kiss?
I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.
I’m dying! Malfoy yelled, as the class panicked. I’m dying, look at me! It’s killed me!
There are two ways to look at life. The first view is that nothing stays the same and that nothing is inherently connected, and that the only driving force in anyone’s life is entropy. The second is that everything pretty much stays the same (more or less) and that everything is completely connected, even if we don’t realize it.
Yes, men are pigs. Except your brother, of course. He’s actually a decent human being. Almost a woman.-Jillian’s mother
I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.
The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.
Murphy hung up and I said, to the still-open line, Hey, if you’ve got someone watching my place, could you call the cops if anyone tries to steal my Star Wars poster? It’s an original.Then I vindictively hung up on the FBI. It made my inner child happy.
That’s one of the remarkable things about life. It’s never so bad that it can’t get worse.
You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
Man…heats up like a lightbulb: red hot in the twinkling of an eye and cold again in a flash. The female, on the other hand…heats up like an iron. Slowly, over a low heat, like tasty stew. But then, once she has heated up, there’s no stopping her.
I wrote the story myself. It’s about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.
Everything in this room is edible. Even I’m edible. But, that would be called canibalism. It is looked down upon in most societies.
In life you’ll meet a lot of jerks. If they hurt you, tell yourself that it’s because they’re stupid. That will help keep you from reacting to their cruelty. Because there is nothing worse than bitterness and vengeance… Always keep your dignity and be true to yourself.
We may pass violets looking for roses. We may pass contentment looking for victory.
I past another telkhine, who was so startled he dropped his Lil’ Demons lunch box. I left him alive – partly because he had a cool lunch box…
Yes Headwoman Azaze. But I never lie to Rosethorn. She, um, discourages it.Evvy and I have an understanding. She grabbed the teakettle and poured hot water into the mug. She tells me the truth, and I don’t hang her in the first well we come to. It’s a solution that works tolerably well for both of us.
It’s a reflex. Hear a bell, get food. See an undead, throw a knife. Same thing, really.
That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen, Puck said.How cool will it be when it kills us? Sabrina asked.Considerably less cool, Puck replied.
I thought they were helping me. I was so full of trust in them that I felt grateful as they carried me in the air. Only when they threw me overboard did I begin to have doubts.
I’m reading a book, because I’m brainy. No, it is a book – if you don’t know, it is like a blog except bigger.
The only French word I know is oui, which means “yes,” and only recently did I learn it’s spelled o-u-i and not w-e-e.
A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.
A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep.
Here’s a newsflash from the only High Preistess you have left at this dang school: Zoey isn’t dead. And believe me, I know dead. I’ve been there, done that, and got the frickin’ T-shirt. – Stevie Rae
There’s a fine line between support and stalking and let’s all stay on the right side of that.
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
We need to talk. All of us About what we’re going to do now.I was going to watch Project Runway.
It takes a lot of time to be a genius. You have to sit around so much, doing nothing, really doing nothing.
Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing toward what will be.
I have never voted in my life… I have always known and understood that the idiots are in a majority so it’s certain they will win.
Life’s greatest tragedy is not that it will someday end, but that most only live to follow directions and sometimes we end up totally lost.
Fate, Blue replied, glowering at her mother, is a very weighty word to throw around before breakfast.
After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, You named your breasts?I turned my back to him with a shrug. I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.
If I ever form a clan, we’ll be the anti-cheerleaders and walk under the bleacher forming mild acts of mayhem.
Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.
You should be home sleeping. What is the use of having a man in the house, if he cannot take care of you for a while?” “Mmm,” I said. “I give up. What’s the use of having a man in the house?
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I don’t know why people are afraid of lust. Then I can imagine that they are very afraid of me, for I have a great lust for everything. A lust for life, a lust for how the summer-heated street feels beneath my feet, a lust for the touch of another’s skin on my skin…a lust for everything. I even lust after cake. Yes, I am very lusty and very scary.
The winds and the waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators.
Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don’t you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?