How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!
You could shove it up your ass and pretend you’re a corn dog.COURTESY VIOLATION-RESPONSE MUTED-VIOLATION LOGGED
Bitten? You mean you’re a-A werewolf, said the girl. Like everyone else here. Except you, and the asshole. And the asshole’s sister.
Here’s to freedom, cheers to art. Here’s to having an excellent adventure and may the stopping never start.
Don’t blame me. Tell your mom to move closer. Tell her there’s this new club called civilization and you guys should join.
I really don’t see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, I’ll certainly try to forget the fact.
To me, nudity is a joke. I don’t think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to imagine what might be under there. It might not be the standard thing. Imagine, stripping a woman down, and she has a body like a little submarine. With periscope, propellers, torpedoes. That would be the one for me. I’d marry her right off and be faithful to the end.
All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that’s an alibi for my ignorance.
We cling to our own point of view, as though everything depended on it. Yet our opinions have no permanence; like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away.
Deadlines just aren’t real to me until I’m staring one in the face.
Tacos.Tacos? I echoed.This seemed to amuse him. Tomatoes, lettuce, cheese.I know what a taco is!
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
You don’t have to make something that people call art. Living is an artistic activity, there is an art to getting through the day.
No, Miss Palmer. What is bizarre is that I currently have a vagina.
Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men.
Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record.
Well,” Tessa said, sighting along the line of the knife, “you behave as if you dislike me. In fact, you behave as if you dislike us all.”“I don’t,” Gabriel said. “I just dislike him.” He pointed at Will.“Dear me,” said Will, and he took another bite of his apple. “Is it because I’m better-looking than you?
We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
Stop! Narcissus got to his feet. This is not right! This person is obviously not awesome, so he must be… He struggled for the right words. It had probably been a long time since he’d talked about anything other than himself. He must be tricking us. Apparently Narcissus wasn’t completely stupid.
These books can’t possibly compete with centuries of established history, especially when that history is endorsed by the ultimate bestseller of all time. Faukman’s eyes went wide. Don’t tell me Harry Potter is actually about the Holy Grail.I was referring to the Bible.Faukman cringed. I knew that.
I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.
Just deleting vandalism on the Chuck Norris page, Radar said. For instance, while I do think that Chuck Norris specializes in the roundhouse kick, I don’t think it’s accurate to say, ‘Chuck Norris’s tears can cure cancer, but unfortunately he has never cried.
It’s like this…a starving man would gladly eat a radish, right? In fact, a radish would be a feast if that’s all he had. But if he had a buffet in front of him, the radish would never be chosen.
The philosopher Diogenes was eating bread and lentils for supper. He was seen by the philosopher Aristippus, who lived comfortably by flattering the king. Said Aristippus, ‘If you would learn to be subservient to the king you would not have to live on lentils.’Said Diogenes, ‘Learn to live on lentils and you will not have to be subservient to the king.
Fiction was invented the day Jonah arrived home and told his wife that he was three days late because he had been swallowed by a whale..
She blew out a breath between gritted teeth. “Sometimes I really want to”—a frustrated sound—“bite you!” He froze. “I might let you.” “I won’t do it if you’d enjoy it.
Yes! Narissus unslung his bow and grabbed an arrow from his dusty quiver. The first one who get that bronze, I will like you almost as much as I like me. I might even kiss you, right after I kiss my reflection! Oh my gods! the nymphs squealed.
Butch tightened his grip on his cell and wished there were an app that let you reach through a phone and bitch slap someone.
Look at me!Look at me!Look at me NOW!It is fun to have funBut you have to know how.
Talent is a faculty that is highly developed, but genius commands all the faculties.
I’m a Christian first, and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don’t you ever forget it. You know who else was kind of divisive in terms of challenging the status quo and the powers-that-be of his day? Jesus Christ.
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season
Isn’t it strange that I know you’d risk your life to save mine, but I don’t even know what your favorite color is?
There’s only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sounds egotistical, but it’s actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity.
The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘check enclosed.
I have to go. I have a finite amount of life left and I don’t want to spend it arguing with you.
Leo,” Hazel gasped, “I can’t—my arms—”“Hazel,” he said. “Do you trust me?”“No!”“Me neither,” Leo admitted.
Did you get notes for me?No, Ronan replied,I thought you were dead in a ditch.
…There are too many idiots in this world. And having said it, I have the burden of proving it.
I couldn’t claim that I was smarter than sixty-five other guys–but the average of sixty-five other guys, certainly!
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.
The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear.
Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem—neat, plausible, and wrong.
I am too tired, I must try to rest and sleep, otherwise I am lost in every respect. What an effort to keep alive! Erecting a monument does not require an expenditure of so much strength.
I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.
There are no elements so diverse that they cannot be joined in the heart of a man.
No matter what dimension you’re in, there’s a big-headed male trying to take over the world.
‘I don’t need brains,’ says the billionaire contemptuously. ‘I’m brainy enough myself!’ The broker cries out in desperation, ‘What, in heaven’s name, do you want?’ ‘Goodness,’ is the answer.
She seemed to be a nice person, too, instead of a homicidal bitch like his former wife. Otherwise, the world should fear. When Mencheres fell for a woman, he fell hard. If Kira asked for her own continent as a birthday present, Mencheres would probably have one conquered for her before she blew out her candles.
Mom says it’s because she has PMS.Do you even know what that means?I’m not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome
And yet another moral occurs to me now: Make love when you can. It’s good for you.
We? Simon looked at him in disbelief. Are you ever going home?What, bored with my company already? Let me ask you something, Simon said. Do you find me fascinating to be around?What was that? Jace said. Sorry, I think I fell asleep for a moment. Do, continue with whatever mesmerizing thing you were saying.
Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
Rae burned me. She has matches or something. Look, look… Tori pulled down the collar of her T-shirt. Leave your cloths on, Tori, Simon said, raising his hands to his eyes. Please.
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
A cavalryman’s horse should be smarter than he is. But the horse must never be alowed to know this.