I’m saying that I’m a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch, and I want you to promise me that you’re okay with that, because it’s who I am, and you’re what I need.
I can’t believe he didn’t have the dignity and presence of mind just to get drunk and pass out in some gutter, said Jace. I must say, I’m disappointed in the little fellow.
I might have known,” said Eeyore. “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said ‘Bother!’. The Social Round. Always something going on.
HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)
Accidental sex. He made it sound like I fell down, and there just happened to be an erection in the way.
Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.
When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman.
Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint.
Buttercup’s mother whirled on him. ‘Did you forget to pay your taxes?’ (This was after taxes. But everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.)
What we plant in the soil of contemplation, we shall reap in the harvest of action.
Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride – where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation.
Well, spit on my empty grave–if it ain’t the attack of the Disney princesses!
Either you go to America with Mrs. Van Hopper or you come home to Manderley with me.Do you mean you want a secretary or something?No, I’m asking you to marry me, you little fool.
You know how to shoot?- EmmaYes. My dad taught me everything about gun safety. He was an expert. – HeatherWhat happened to him? -ShannaHe was…shot. -Heather
I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail. I said to him, ‘Someday, when we’re not together, you won’t be able to order a cup of coffee at the fucking deli without hearing or seeing me.
Why should any guy want to be only friends with a girl? It’s like agreeing to be near a chocolate cake and never eat it. It’s like sitting in a racing car but not driving it.
No wonder kids grow up crazy. A cat’s cradle is nothing but a bunch of X’s between somebody’s hands, and little kids look and look and look at all those X’s . . . And? No damn cat, and no damn cradle.
MS. THOMPSON, it said in heavy block letters, PLEASE KEEP YOUR FELINE OFF MY PROPERTY. IF I SEE IT AGAIN, I WILL EAT IT.
There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.
There is a proverbial saying chiefly concerned with warning against too closely calculating the numerical value of un-hatched chicks.
He gave a dark chuckle. “But you’re not, so you had absolutely no qualms about kneeing me in the groin, right?”“I hit your thigh!”“Oh, please. A man doesn’t need that long to recover from a knee to the thigh,” he replied, his voice full of skepticism.
I disapprove of matrimony as a matter of principle…. Why should any independent, intelligent female choose to subject herself to the whims and tyrannies of a husband? I assure you, I have yet to meet a man as sensible as myself! (Amelia Peabody)
The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty.
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
Geez, you guys. I know I’m popular and all, but seriously, you’re a bit too co-dependent for me. I’m going to need you to step away from my personal bubble. A wispy vine-woman curled ivy tendrils around his arm, and he sliced through them with his dagger. No! Bad Wraith! No touchie!
Perhaps I can stay by the fire and mend your socks and scream if I hear any strange noises.
Wizard Howl, said Wizard Suliman. I must apologize for trying to bite you so often. In the normal way, I wouldn’t dream of setting teeth in a fellow countryman.
I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. –Stephanie Plum
Hey, Carlos, the Professor says when he walks in. How was REACH?It sucked.Can you be more specific? my guardian asks.It really sucked, I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word.
Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything’s failing? It’s because, um – they’re no longer relevant. We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
Work fast.Yeah. I point at the screen. First I have to wait for my computer to wake up.Hurry.Okay, I’ll wait faster.Sarcasm.
My heart started racing, not the bad kind of heart racing, like I’m going to die. But the good kind of heart racing, like, Hello, can I help you with something? If not, please step aside because I’m about to kick the shit out of life.
Want coffee? I asked, as I headed that way.It’s three thirty in the morning.Okay. Want coffee?
When someone tells you somebody’s been murdered, laughing is probably not the best response. You know, for future reference.But laughing is exactly what I did.
Well, man, you know what they say.No, I don’t. I don’t know what they say. I don’t even know who they are. Who is this they? They seem pretty smug. They seem to think they know shit. Fuck them.
An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup.
There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well. You must treat me well. And the world must be easy.
Annoyed?” said Sophie. “Why should I be annoyed? Someone only filled the castle with rotten aspic, and deafened everyone in Porthaven, and scared Calcifer to a cinder, and broke a few hundred hearts. Why should that annoy me?
A girl’s got to use what she’s given and I’m not going to make a guy drool the way a Britney video does. So I take it to extremes. I don’t say I dress sexily on stage – what I do is so extreme. It’s meant to make guys think: ‘I don’t know if this is sexy or just weird.
…disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business….
Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: ‘We don’t serve colored people here.’ I said: ‘that’s all right, I don’t eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.
No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought?–Poirot
Just remember, when you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke.
If reassurances could dull pain, nobody would ever go to the trouble of pressing grapes.
They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do just as well — you just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.
Oh for craps sake. You’re not dying again, are you? It’s seriously inconvenient when you do that. -Aphrodite
She’ll be back, Ranger said. But not tonight.[Stephanie] How’d you get her to leave?Told her I was gonna spend the next twelve hours ruining you for all other men, and so she might as well go home.I could feel the heat rush to my face.Ranger gave me the wolf smile. I lied about it being tonight, he said.
Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it.
It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.
I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn’t believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens.
Yes. Reyn is our resident horse master. He has an excellent seat.I grinned. I’ve noticed.Reyn’s face tightened and Nell flushed, looking embarrassed. It’s an equestrian term.Really? I thought you were talking about his ass.
Are you insinuatin’ that my daughter is a liar?Oh, no, not at all. I’m saying your daughter is a liar. Surely you can appreciate the difference.
If you want to catch beasts you don’t see every day,You have to go places quite out of the way,You have to go places no others can get to.You have to get cold and you have too get wet, too.