Dear God in heaven.” Nik and Ban turned away, but Alek stood. Transfixed. “My God, y’all. She’s the worst goddamn dancer I’ve ever seen.” “Turn away. It’ll hurt your eyes. Turn away!
A Christian telling an atheist they’re going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they’re not getting any presents from Santa.
Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat…college,
That craptastical, gutless, son-of-a-cactus-humping butt monkey!!
A crossbow?” Pigeon asked.I left my battle-ax in my other jeans,” the man said.
To paraphrase Oedipus, Hamlet, Lear, and all those guys, I wish I had known this some time ago.
Properly practiced, knitting soothes the troubled spirit, and it doesn’t hurt the untroubled spirit either.
I’d never met coffee that wasn’t wonderful. It was just a matter of how wonderful it was.
I didn’t know you had a girlfriend, Griggs. Anson Choi feigns surprise. What’s her name?I didn’t actually catch her name, Griggs continues.Lily, Raffaela says over her shoulder and this time I give her a sideways look.Great to know that I’m in love with a girl with a cool name.It’s Taylor’s middle name, Raffaela calls back again.
I thought you said you were the one in charge! Ce’Nedra exclaimed.I lied. Silk said. It’s a vice I have.
In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake.
Nozy Cat lifted one sleepy eyelid, and his marble blue eye glared at her for interrupting his sacred nap. He wore a yellow collar with little red stars printed on it. His second eyelid also opened, and he gave them his irritated blue-eyed glare.
His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.
The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.
As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight.
On a fundamental level, I am someone who would throw sand at children.
I’m looking into my past lives. I’m convinced some of them still owe me money.
Really, I’m trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she’s singing, but it doesn’t appear to be over
Do you realize how hard it is to keep your mind clear when somebody’s telling you to keep your mind clear?
Log Entry: SOL 118My conversation with NASA about the Water Reclaimer was boring and riddled with technical details. So I’ll paraphrase for you:Me: This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?NASA: (After about 5 hours of deliberation) No. You’ll fuck it up and die.So I took it apart.
Of course . A wicked gleam entered his eyes. But I only turn girls into salamanders on Tuesdays. Luckily for you, it´s a Wednesday, which is the day I drink a goblet of orphan´s blood for supper.
Hespe’s mouth went firm. She didn’t scowl exactly, but it looked like she was getting all the pieces of a scowl together in one place, just in case she needed them in a hurry.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
She asked, Okay, wait, so why is Ronan at the library?Cramming, Noah said. For an exam on Monday.It was the nicest thing Blue had ever heard of Ronan doing.
And in what fairy tale would John ever be any sane person’s idea of Prince Charming anyway? He was the opposite of charming. More like Prince Terrifying.
Once again, I’ve been thwarted by the massive difference between my vision of the successful me and the me I’m currently stuck with.
I think a man’s wordplay can be so fucking sexy!!! I love a good mind fuck!!
To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend… I suppose I ought to have realize it’s ominous that forty thousand years of human language had failed to produce a word for our relationship.
The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish.
This is me.’ He handed her the precious scrap of paper. ‘Call me or I’ll call you, but one of us will call, yes? What I mean is it’s not a competition. You don’t lose if you phone first.
Please welcome Professor Varen Nethers, famous depressed dead poets historian and author of the bestselling books Unlocking your Poe-tential: A Writer’s Guide, and Mo Poe Fo Yo: When You Just Can’t Get Enough.
I wouldn’t even consider it if I were you. But then if I were you, I would not be me, and if I were not me, I would not be able to advise you, and if I were unable to advise you, you’d do as you like, so you might as well do as you like and have done with it.
Who knows himself a braggart, let him fear this, for it will come to pass that every braggart shall be found an ass.
You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff.
I’ve learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
The more fucked up you are, the more I like you. As long as you’ve managed to hold onto your identity through all the shit, then it won’t matter how twisted you are. I will love you more for it.
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, ‘Wish you were here.
Victor patted my hand. ‘I like you, Sky. You’re a fighter.”I am, aren’t I? Hear that, Zed? No more bambi comparisons. I’m a Rottweiler -with a temper.”A very small Rottweiler,’ said Zed, still not convinced.
It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.
Rule number 2 – don’t listen to me! Arriane laughed, I’m certifiably insane!
What’s in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell.
There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva
Who, last time I’d checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It’s kind of sad.)
I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regrettedmost of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.
When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry. Merits were for sex addicts, Salems were for alcoholics, and Mores were for people who considered themselves to be outrageous but really weren’t.
His sentences didn’t seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action.