I will remember this word, he said. Shenanigans. It is a good word.
America used to live by the motto Father Knows Best. Now we’re lucky if Father Knows He Has Children. We’ve become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.
I can’t forget things, or ignore them-bad things that happen, I said. I’m a lay-it-all-out person, a dwell-on-it person, an obsess-about-it person. If I hold things in and try to forget or pretend, I become a madman and have panic attacks. I have to talk.
What does ‘hmm’ have to do with anything? Could you ever use more than five words? All this grunting and minced words make you come across—primal.”His smile tipped higher. “Primal.”“You’re impossible.”“Me Jev, you Nora.
If we’re not supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made out of meat?
Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?
A perfect person is easy to love. But when somebody likes all your imperfections, well, that’s when you know they really mean it.
I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.
Before I begin, may I ask how old you are?You may ask.How old are you?It’s none of your business
The integrity of my sleep has been forever compromised, sir.
Sure,” she said, and hugged the laptop bag closer. “What could go wrong?”Michael’s eyes flashed to meet hers in the rearview mirror.Besides everything, I mean,” she said.
I will never deny that life isn’t fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk.
I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It’s called manners.
Adrian was easily distractible by wacky topics and shiny objects.
I came to the table, pulled up a chair, and sat. “Everyone brought a pet. I feel left out.” An enthusiastic howl broke the silence, and Grendel bounded through the doorway. He galloped through the steak house, skidded on the floor, smashed into my chair, and dropped a dead rat on my lap. Awesome.
Riley : Do you want to claw at me, kitty-cat? Come on.Mercy: Sorry, I don’t beat defenseless puppies.
Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry, you can’t have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that’s never going to happen again.
But there is in everything a reasonable division of labour. I have written the book, and nothing on earth would induce me to read it.
I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
Rose took my nose, I suppose,” he repeated; the bubble of phlegm in his throat made a disgusting crackle. “And it really blows.
While I was drying off Maddie after her bath tonight, she said, ‘I love you’ to me for the first time. It sounded like ‘All lub boo,’ but I didn’t care. To reciprocate, I showed her what an ex-Marine looks like when he cries.
The inhabitants of the earth are of two sorts: those with brains, but no religion, and those with religion, but no brains.
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I’m a dog. Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.
And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.
I don’t understand how people canstand next to you one year,and next year, they cannot. They’re going crazy, screaming. They can’t take it that you’re there. But last year I was in the same club,walking around,lonely like a motherfucker. Couldn’t get a date or a dance. I was too skinny, too something,and now, He’s just adorable. He’s just, oh!
And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before–and thus was the Empire forged.
I felt this awful obligation to be charming or at least have something to say, and the pressure of having to be charming (or merely verbal) incapacitates me.
I’ve never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful.
She filed the image away as an excellent and insulting question to ask the earl at an utterly inappropriate future moment.
One glance and I knew exactly who and what he was. The classic alpha male, the kind who had spurred evolution forward about five million years ago by nailing every female in sight. They charmed, seduced, and behaved like bastards, and yet women were biologically incapable of resisting their magic DNA.
The woman is the home. That’s where she used to be, and that’s where she still is. You might ask me, What if a man tries to be part of the home — will the woman let him? I answer yes. Because the he becomes one of the children.
I figured something out, he said aloud. The future is unpredictable.Hassan said, Sometimes the kafir likes to say massively obvious things in a really profound voice.
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
You saw my leg?How can a man help what he sees? he said. And, if I could add, you possess a very fine leg.
Hugh consoled me, saying, Don’t let it get to you. There are plenty of things you’re good at.When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he’ll need some time to think.
Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.
Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.
Earrings are like orgasms. You can never have too many. I never thought about it quite that way. Well, you’re a man. She gave his knee a friendly pat.
Another relative?” Valek asked.A broad smile stretched Moon Man’s lips. “Yes. I am her mother’s uncle’s wife’s third cousin.
I’ve got a theory, it could be bunnies…I’ve got a theor-Bunnies aren’t just cute like everybody supposesThey’ve got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses.And what’s with all the carrots-?What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?Bunnies, bunnies it must be bunnies!…or maybe midgets…
You would be amazed how many magicians have died after being bitten by mad rabbits. It’s far more common than you might think. -Angela the Herbalist
Myrnin turned away to pick up his Ben Franklin spectacles, balanced them on his nose, and looked over them to say, Don’t do drugs. I feel I ought to say that.
I loved you way before you ever had a chance to put a spell on me. I loved you at ‘I’ve never been to Long Island,’ Zach said.I couldn’t keep a big goofy grin from my face.I loved you at ‘I like seals,’ I admitted. He grinned back.
Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why.
And before you barrel through some idiotic Cosmo girl list of how-well-do-you-know-your-man questions, let me say that I don’t know squat about him except that he kisses like a god and screws like a devil.
Sydney spent a lot of time on my bed these days.Unfortunately, it wasn’t with me.
Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.
Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth
Total non-retention has kept my education from being a burden to me.
THE WOMAN WAS GOING TO KILL HIM, and not because she was stronger and more vicious than he was. Which, if he thought about it, she was. He’d never ripped a man’s throat out with his teeth, and he was damned impressed that Gwen had. She’d made the Lords of the Underworld look like marshmallows.
HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another — the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers.