Do you realize how hard it is to keep your mind clear when somebody’s telling you to keep your mind clear?
Log Entry: SOL 118My conversation with NASA about the Water Reclaimer was boring and riddled with technical details. So I’ll paraphrase for you:Me: This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?NASA: (After about 5 hours of deliberation) No. You’ll fuck it up and die.So I took it apart.
Of course . A wicked gleam entered his eyes. But I only turn girls into salamanders on Tuesdays. Luckily for you, it´s a Wednesday, which is the day I drink a goblet of orphan´s blood for supper.
Hespe’s mouth went firm. She didn’t scowl exactly, but it looked like she was getting all the pieces of a scowl together in one place, just in case she needed them in a hurry.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
She asked, Okay, wait, so why is Ronan at the library?Cramming, Noah said. For an exam on Monday.It was the nicest thing Blue had ever heard of Ronan doing.
And in what fairy tale would John ever be any sane person’s idea of Prince Charming anyway? He was the opposite of charming. More like Prince Terrifying.
Once again, I’ve been thwarted by the massive difference between my vision of the successful me and the me I’m currently stuck with.
I think a man’s wordplay can be so fucking sexy!!! I love a good mind fuck!!
To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend… I suppose I ought to have realize it’s ominous that forty thousand years of human language had failed to produce a word for our relationship.
The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish.
This is me.’ He handed her the precious scrap of paper. ‘Call me or I’ll call you, but one of us will call, yes? What I mean is it’s not a competition. You don’t lose if you phone first.
Please welcome Professor Varen Nethers, famous depressed dead poets historian and author of the bestselling books Unlocking your Poe-tential: A Writer’s Guide, and Mo Poe Fo Yo: When You Just Can’t Get Enough.
I wouldn’t even consider it if I were you. But then if I were you, I would not be me, and if I were not me, I would not be able to advise you, and if I were unable to advise you, you’d do as you like, so you might as well do as you like and have done with it.
Who knows himself a braggart, let him fear this, for it will come to pass that every braggart shall be found an ass.
You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff.
I’ve learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
The more fucked up you are, the more I like you. As long as you’ve managed to hold onto your identity through all the shit, then it won’t matter how twisted you are. I will love you more for it.
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, ‘Wish you were here.
Victor patted my hand. ‘I like you, Sky. You’re a fighter.”I am, aren’t I? Hear that, Zed? No more bambi comparisons. I’m a Rottweiler -with a temper.”A very small Rottweiler,’ said Zed, still not convinced.
It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.
Rule number 2 – don’t listen to me! Arriane laughed, I’m certifiably insane!
What’s in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell.
There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva
Who, last time I’d checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It’s kind of sad.)
I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regrettedmost of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.
When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry. Merits were for sex addicts, Salems were for alcoholics, and Mores were for people who considered themselves to be outrageous but really weren’t.
His sentences didn’t seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action.
I will remember this word, he said. Shenanigans. It is a good word.
America used to live by the motto Father Knows Best. Now we’re lucky if Father Knows He Has Children. We’ve become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.
I can’t forget things, or ignore them-bad things that happen, I said. I’m a lay-it-all-out person, a dwell-on-it person, an obsess-about-it person. If I hold things in and try to forget or pretend, I become a madman and have panic attacks. I have to talk.
What does ‘hmm’ have to do with anything? Could you ever use more than five words? All this grunting and minced words make you come across—primal.”His smile tipped higher. “Primal.”“You’re impossible.”“Me Jev, you Nora.
If we’re not supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made out of meat?
Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?
A perfect person is easy to love. But when somebody likes all your imperfections, well, that’s when you know they really mean it.
I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.
Before I begin, may I ask how old you are?You may ask.How old are you?It’s none of your business
The integrity of my sleep has been forever compromised, sir.
Sure,” she said, and hugged the laptop bag closer. “What could go wrong?”Michael’s eyes flashed to meet hers in the rearview mirror.Besides everything, I mean,” she said.
I will never deny that life isn’t fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk.
I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It’s called manners.
Adrian was easily distractible by wacky topics and shiny objects.
I came to the table, pulled up a chair, and sat. “Everyone brought a pet. I feel left out.” An enthusiastic howl broke the silence, and Grendel bounded through the doorway. He galloped through the steak house, skidded on the floor, smashed into my chair, and dropped a dead rat on my lap. Awesome.
Riley : Do you want to claw at me, kitty-cat? Come on.Mercy: Sorry, I don’t beat defenseless puppies.
Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry, you can’t have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that’s never going to happen again.
But there is in everything a reasonable division of labour. I have written the book, and nothing on earth would induce me to read it.
I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
Rose took my nose, I suppose,” he repeated; the bubble of phlegm in his throat made a disgusting crackle. “And it really blows.
While I was drying off Maddie after her bath tonight, she said, ‘I love you’ to me for the first time. It sounded like ‘All lub boo,’ but I didn’t care. To reciprocate, I showed her what an ex-Marine looks like when he cries.