The inhabitants of the earth are of two sorts: those with brains, but no religion, and those with religion, but no brains.
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I’m a dog. Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There’s so little hope for advancement.
And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.
I don’t understand how people canstand next to you one year,and next year, they cannot. They’re going crazy, screaming. They can’t take it that you’re there. But last year I was in the same club,walking around,lonely like a motherfucker. Couldn’t get a date or a dance. I was too skinny, too something,and now, He’s just adorable. He’s just, oh!
And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before–and thus was the Empire forged.
I felt this awful obligation to be charming or at least have something to say, and the pressure of having to be charming (or merely verbal) incapacitates me.
I’ve never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari—I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful.
She filed the image away as an excellent and insulting question to ask the earl at an utterly inappropriate future moment.
One glance and I knew exactly who and what he was. The classic alpha male, the kind who had spurred evolution forward about five million years ago by nailing every female in sight. They charmed, seduced, and behaved like bastards, and yet women were biologically incapable of resisting their magic DNA.
The woman is the home. That’s where she used to be, and that’s where she still is. You might ask me, What if a man tries to be part of the home — will the woman let him? I answer yes. Because the he becomes one of the children.
I figured something out, he said aloud. The future is unpredictable.Hassan said, Sometimes the kafir likes to say massively obvious things in a really profound voice.
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
You saw my leg?How can a man help what he sees? he said. And, if I could add, you possess a very fine leg.
Hugh consoled me, saying, Don’t let it get to you. There are plenty of things you’re good at.When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he’ll need some time to think.
Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.
Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.
Earrings are like orgasms. You can never have too many. I never thought about it quite that way. Well, you’re a man. She gave his knee a friendly pat.
Another relative?” Valek asked.A broad smile stretched Moon Man’s lips. “Yes. I am her mother’s uncle’s wife’s third cousin.
I’ve got a theory, it could be bunnies…I’ve got a theor-Bunnies aren’t just cute like everybody supposesThey’ve got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses.And what’s with all the carrots-?What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?Bunnies, bunnies it must be bunnies!…or maybe midgets…
You would be amazed how many magicians have died after being bitten by mad rabbits. It’s far more common than you might think. -Angela the Herbalist
Myrnin turned away to pick up his Ben Franklin spectacles, balanced them on his nose, and looked over them to say, Don’t do drugs. I feel I ought to say that.
I loved you way before you ever had a chance to put a spell on me. I loved you at ‘I’ve never been to Long Island,’ Zach said.I couldn’t keep a big goofy grin from my face.I loved you at ‘I like seals,’ I admitted. He grinned back.
Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why.
And before you barrel through some idiotic Cosmo girl list of how-well-do-you-know-your-man questions, let me say that I don’t know squat about him except that he kisses like a god and screws like a devil.
Sydney spent a lot of time on my bed these days.Unfortunately, it wasn’t with me.
Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.
Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth
Total non-retention has kept my education from being a burden to me.
THE WOMAN WAS GOING TO KILL HIM, and not because she was stronger and more vicious than he was. Which, if he thought about it, she was. He’d never ripped a man’s throat out with his teeth, and he was damned impressed that Gwen had. She’d made the Lords of the Underworld look like marshmallows.
HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another — the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers.
I wish we could make out in your bed.Noah sighed. As do I, but I’m afraid we have ritual burning to conduct.It’s always something.Isn’t it though?
We spend the first 12 months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.
You don’t always have to kiss a lot of frogs to recognize a prince when you find one -Henrietta Barett
A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.
Gordon Edgley’s sudden death came as a shock to everyone – not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away.
This book is dedicated to the voices inside my head, the most remarkable of my friends. And to my wife, who lives with us.
No man’s life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
Unrequited love is so boring. Weeping under a blue-black sky is for suckers or maniacs.
He has fought many battles with us (Jace) By which you mean one battle muttered Simon. Two if you count the one I was a rat
Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does.
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece electrostatic / And everywhere Mary went, the lights became erratic.
There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair. (Alexander Hamilton, to Thomas Jefferson)
We seemed to be trapped in an episode of One Life To Waste. It’s all very dull.
… for most practical purposes, Tarbean had two parts: Waterside and Hillside. Waterside is where people are poor. That makes them beggars, thieves and whores. Hillside is where people are rich. That makes them solicitors, politicians and courtesans.
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.
Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT
It’s the idea that people living close to nature tend to be noble. It’s seeing all those sunsets that does it. You can’t watch a sunset and then go off and set fire to your neighbor’s tepee. Living close to nature is wonderful for your mental health.
I bet, said Mulch, that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn.Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer.Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything.
Hale. Kat sighed. The headmaster’s car? Really? That’s not to cliched for you?What can I say? He shrugged. I’m an old-fashioned guy. Besides, it’s a classic for a reason. He leaned against the window. It’s good to see you, Kat.Kat didn’t know what to say. It’s good to see you, too? Thanks for getting me kicked out? Is it possible you’ve gotten even hotter? I think I might have missed you?
I hate the vamp jobs. They think they’re so suave. It’s not enough for them to slaughter and eat you like a zombie would. No, they want to be all sexy, too. And trust me: vampires? Not. Sexy.
Hmm…now that I think about it, housecats are often coddled and petted. You don’t pet me nearly enough. You must be a lax owner. How selfish of you to deprive your cat of attention.