I was supposed to write a romantic comedy, but my characters broke up.
In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And like the road not taken, it was the fucks not given that made all the difference.
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, though, I suppose that boulders and mountains and moons could be accused of being a little too phlegmatic.
Trust me, Wilbur. People are very gullible. They’ll believe anything they see in print.
What’s going on? Newt asked, looking back and forth between Thomas and Aris. Why’re you guys looking at each other like you just fell in love?
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
My first words, as I was being born […] I looked up at my mother and said, ‘that’s the last time I’m going up one of those.
Writing is like getting married. One should never commit oneself until one is amazed at one’s luck.
No brain at all, some of them [people], only grey fluff that’s blown into their heads by mistake, and they don’t Think.
Eric moved the broom experimentally and made an attempt to sweep the glass into the pan while it lay in the middle of the floor. Of course, the pan slid away. Eric scowled.I’d finally found something Eric did poorly.
I am not really breaking any rules. Charlie said I could never take another step through the door again… I came in through the window… Still, the intent was clear, said Edward.
He looks like a runway model. How in the world am I going to be able to reject that? The world is so unfair. Seriously, it’s like turning Brad Pitt down for a date. The girl who could actually do it should win an award for idiot of the century.
A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.
You’re probably wondering what’s going to happen to you. That’s easy. The same thing is going to happen to you that has happened to every other human being who has ever lived. You’re going to die. We all die. That’s just how it is.
High School. Society’s bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life.
I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
Thus, though I dislike to differ with such a great man, Voltaire was simply ludicrous when he said that if god did not exist it would be necessary to invent him. The human invention of god is the problem to begin with.
I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals, I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I tried to tell you. You said you didn’t care, remember?A muscle ticked below his eye. You should have told me anyway.While you had barbells within your reach? Please. I’m Disease, not Stupid.
It’s my turn to see you through,’ she whispers, coming back to me and wrapping me in her blanket as I lose my shit all over again. She holds me until I recover my Y chromosome.
I’m forever near a stereo saying, ‘What the fuck is this garbage?’ And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Disappointment came to me,and booted me,and bruised and hurt me,but that’s how people grow up.
Because this absolutely insane – the craziest thing I’d ever done. Worse than giving a one-star review, scarier than asking for an interview with an author I’d give my firstborn to eat lunch with, more stupid than kissing Daemon.
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Actually I don’t remember being born, it must have happened during one of my black outs.
If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you’re a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.
It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?
They say: Think twice before you jump. I say: Jump first and then think as much as you want!
Claire, did I invite you to my barbeque? Massie asked, her neck tilting to the right and her arms tightly crossed.Huh? No. I mean, I don’t know, Claire said.Then why are you all up in my grill? Massie said through her teeth.
Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?
I like video games, but they’re really violent. I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital.
It is one of the defects of my character that I cannot altogether dislike anyone who makes me laugh.
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Caliph Vathek and his dark hordeAre bound for Hell, you won’t be bored!Your faith in me will be restored—Unless this token you find untowardAnd my poor gift you have ignored.
Find something useful to do with your morning,’ she thought to him as she neared her chambers. ‘Do something heroic in front of an audience. Knock a child into a river while no one’s looking and then rescue him.
Well? Is it true? Did she?Did she what?You know. Fall outta the crazy tree and hit every branch on the way down?
Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
She craved a tall glass of the fresh-squeezed lemonade from the pitcher she’d left chilling in the fridge. Two glasses served with a generous slice of pound cake with orange glaze icing sounded twice as nice.
The door banged open, and Eve rushed out, flushed and mussed and still buttoning her shirt. ‘It’s not what you think,’ she said. ‘It was just—oh, okay, whatever, it was exactly what you think. Now, what?
Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn’t the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.
Blood is really warm,it’s like drinking hot chocolatebut with more screaming.
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
You’re an investigator – can’t nobody find stuff out like a woman. Y’all put the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks they show on CSI and Law & Order: SVU look like counting lessons on Sesame Street.
Well sure, who doesn’t need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one.
This is the best night of my life, Raffy says, crying.Raffy, half our House has burnt down, I say wearily. We don’t have a kitchen.Why do you always have to be so pessimistic? she asks. We can double up in our rooms and have a barbecue every night like the Cadets.Silently I vow to keep Raffy around for the rest of my life.
I don’t know how you persist in being so stubborn-It’s a superpower. I was bitten by a radioactive mule.
I’m going to make it a law that the correct way to address your sovereign is my giving a high five.’ Kai’s smiled brightened. ‘That’s genius. Me too.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
But Gideon was experiencing one powerful emotion: being sick of everyone’s shit.
I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to
St. Clair clears his throat. ‘My fiancée and I are headed out for a celebratory dessert. I’d ask you all to join us, but I don’t want you there.
Still it might be nice, once in a while, not to have to choose between evils. Just once, couldn’t I choose the lesser good?
Amelia Bedelia, said Mrs. Rogers,Christmas is just around the corner.It is? said Amelia Bedelia. Which corner?Mrs. Rogers lauhged and said,I mean tomorrow is Christmas Day.I know that, said Amelia Bedelia.