I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Curran looked back at me. Why is it you always attract creeps?You tell me. Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.
I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!
Personally, I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
She talks like you. It’s not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who’s only holding Cinderella back.” That’s my girl.
You so need to lighten up about that potato-launcher incident, Butch said.Phury rolled his eyes and eased back in the banquette. You broke my window.Of course we did. V and I were aiming for it.Twice.Thus proving that he and I are outstanding marksmen.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.
Ronan said, I’m always straight.Adam replied Oh, man, that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told.
Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else.
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it.(Letter to Étienne Noël Damilaville, May 16, 1767)
I’m sure I’ll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn-on.
Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?I give.You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there’s a dog.
I love new clothes. If everyone could just wear new clothes everyday, I reckon depression wouldn’t exist anymore.
Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns…and clowns. (Bobby Pendragon)
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.Good things come to those who wait.
There is nothing more luxurious than eating while you read—unless it be reading while you eat. Amabel did both: they are not the same thing, as you will see if you think the matter over.
People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint – it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly… time-y wimey… stuff.
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle’s on a poodle and the poodle’s eating noodles……they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle.
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
I think I’ve discovered the secret of life — you just hang around until you get used to it.
Half of seeming clever is keeping your mouth shut at the right times.
Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
Inconceivable!You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
No! Please! I’ll tell you whatever you want to know! the man yelled. Really? said Vimes. What’s the orbital velocity of the moon?What?Oh, you’d like something simpler?
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
That wasn’t any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery.
They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?All the time.
The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time.
Where is Wood? said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn’t there.Still in the showers, said Fred. We think he’s trying to drown himself.
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.
What’s up? I asked.You tell me, he said. You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian.It was an experiment, I said. It was part of my therapy.What the hell kind of therapy are you in?
Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.
I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on TheeAnd I’ll forgive Thy great big one on me.
Beautiful face. Beautiful body. Horrible attitude. It was the holy trinity of hot boys.