They say that if you really want to kill yourself, no one can stop you. There are too many ways to do it. You can jump off a bridge or a building. You can hang yourself. You can crash a car or slit your wrists or swim out really far into the ocean until you drown. Sometimes I wonder why I’m not dead, if I really wanted to kill myself.

I wonder if it will rain after we die. When you kill yourself, you don’t know what happens next, afterward.

When you attempt suicide, the counselors try to talk you out of trying it again by asking you about other people, which is good prevention if you care about other people.

I’ve been asked by lots of people, What happens if you do kill yourself? They want to know about what it would be like for other people around you, like the person who would find your body, the other kids at school, whoever would have to clean up the blood, what your family holidays would be like.

When Sherri asks questions about who would find me if I killed myself and what their reaction would be, I think that whoever knew me would be sad. But then everybody would get over it. I would fade away. I don’t think I’m that important to anyone. Nobody’s opinion about me killing myself would stop me from doing it.