Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another — the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers.
Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.