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Dave Barry Quotes

Quote №19755

Humor Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.

Quote №20595

Humor Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can’t see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.

Quote №40773

Science Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

Quote №19794

Humor Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

Quote №21670

Humor Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.

Quote №21249

Humor Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

As you get older; you’ve probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You’ll be talking with somebody at a party, and you’ll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.

Quote №21102

Humor Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

Have you noticed that whatever sport you’re trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

Quote №20889

Humor Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

Perhaps you are thinking: ‘But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don’t have that kind of money.’Don’t be silly. You’re a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right?Perhaps you are thinking: ‘Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?’Don’t be silly. You have a tank, right?

Quote №20741

Humor Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

Quote №20345

Humor Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

The problem with winter sports is that — follow me closely here — they generally take place in winter.

Quote №18257

Life Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

Quote №20191

Humor Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Quote №30793

Time Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can’t see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.

Quote №21470

Humor Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Quote №27738

Death Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

Quote №21758

Humor Quotes
Author: Dave Barry

I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and–regardless of their political or cultural differences–accuse each other of cheating.

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