You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
If it turns out that there is a God…the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.
I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat…college,
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
I just can’t listen to any more Wagner, you know…I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
Death doesn’t really worry me that much, I’m not frightened about it… I just don’t want to be there when it happens.